Letter to Single Sisters: Making Yourself Marriageable

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It is plausible when sisters, who have left school a long time ago, show by conduct that they are not ready for marriage. Some of them, even at this time, do not understand the concept of marriage from the biblical perspective and from marriage books.  

Marriage is instituted and ordained by God. It is therefore biblical and spiritual. It is important that a Christian, especially, Sisters, should live out her full life as a single sister before marriage. Though marriage is good, honourable and very important, it is not the ultimate aim in the life of a child of God. It is not a measurement of spirituality.

Apostle Paul even advocated for celibacy so that a believer will live and serve God without distractions. As needful as it is, it has led some married ones, because of carelessness, to backslide from the faith. These are couples, who are often quarrelling and slugging it out before they divorce. There are couples, who are not divorced but the ingredients of it around them speak volumes. It will lead to spiritual decline and ineffectiveness in their Christian service.

While waiting for your time for marriage, you should serve the Lord with zeal and with the gifting He has bestowed on you. You should live in obedience and in absolute love for God and His work. These are not to be done for any ulterior motive, such as: serving to be noticed by men, advertising yourself for marriage, et cetera. It is important that you should know that you are dealing with God, Who knows even the reins of our heart and the motives behind the things that we do. God cannot be deceived. It is refreshing to know that there is a reward for services rendered to Him. You cannot carry into married life any responsibility you did not do when you were single. Single and married life styles are mutually exclusive. Christian living, though the same, the responsibilities differ. 

It is good that you get prepared for marriage. Your attitude to it matters a lot. It is plausible when sisters, who have left school a long time ago, show by conduct that they are not ready for marriage. Some of them, even at this time, do not understand the concept of marriage from the biblical perspective and from marriage books. One of the concepts, which you must know is that it is a contract of ‘Until death parts us’ – Matt. 19:6. No reason is good enough for divorce. It is better not to marry than to marry and then divorce.

‘When should I marry?’ you may ask. It is interesting to note how the unbelieving Jewish leaders, though they meant evil, recited before the Lord Jesus the tenets of the Law concerning adultery and then asked Him, ‘What do you say?’ May you ask Him the same question concerning when you will marry! Setting a time limit for marriage has led some people to error because it creates a room for anxiety while waiting for it. If the desire is not met within the time frame, the sister may develop cold feet towards God. She may resort to seeking attention – perching from one prophet to the other for vision and may end up in marrying an unbeliever.

One of the greatest problems confronting a sister is making a choice of her spouse by herself. Should you base it on your personal choice, since you are the one to live with him? Should it be on your parents’ choice, since some parents throw their weight on the persons their daughter will marry? Some mothers are known to have warned their daughters, that they [mothers] will die, should they marry certain men. Should it be on the choice of your ‘good’ friends, whose friendship you will not like to lose, if you ignore their choice? Should it be on God’s choice? One thing is clear, none of these people, except God, knows the true character of all men. None of them can guarantee life or children for you, except God. It is good to listen to Him.

It is necessary to develop a right attitude for marriage. What Sister Rebekah did, as recorded in Gen 24, is a challenge to single sisters. The servant, Abraham sent to get a wife for Isaac, his son, prayed. We can presume that brothers pray for God’s leading in marriage, but it is incumbent on sisters to do the same. As you pray, do not forget to be a woman. Rebekah was one. Women have what most men lack – emotion. Only a few men will marry women without this.

That Rebekah was performing domestic chores in her parents’ home was evidenced when she came to draw water from the well. That was where Abraham’s servant saw her. It might be arranging and cleaning chairs in the Church or office. Are you too big to do this? Do you shout at the brothers if they request that you render the service? Do you know if they are using this to test your character? Unknown to Rebekah, she was fulfilling the prayer request of Abraham’s servant concerning help. He had asked God for the sister, who would render help beyond his request. And Rebekah did that, though she might have good excuses why she should not render the service. Imagine serving water to a stranger, who might not have washed his mouth for days, drinking from her cup! She might be rushing home to wash her clothes, tiredness for overworking herself, et cetera.

It is good to be zealous in doing good work. She hastened in all her encounters with the servant. She committed her family by offering accommodation to the stranger and his camels. Who would not like to marry such a lady? Dressing well is very important for you. It does not mean wearing costly fabrics. With it, Esther won the love of her husband, King Ahasuerus. Queen Vashti was kicked out by the same king for refusing to wear what he demanded from her.    

Purity is important for Christians. Rebekah lived a chaste life. And so did Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus. God has not changed His stand on holiness. During engagement or after traditional and court wedding, some Christians start to have sexual relationship. Do not be a party to this.

It is painful to meet sisters, who love God deeply but no one comes to marry them. Comportment – poor character -.may be lacking in them. Some sisters behave like men by word and deed. No man will like to marry his fellow man. Another cause is unsteady Christian life, where they are neither cold nor warm. Setting personal standards in: height, complexion, education, Church, tribe, profession, et cetera, have caused delays in marriage. Demonic operation, curse, ancestral spirits, et cetera, have also contributed to it.

You can break-off from these ills today, pleading with God where you have erred. Seek deliverance at appropriate place and enrich yourself with God’s Word. 

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